Real stories from real lives.
At Smith & Associates we specialize in helping individuals, couples and families deal with infidelity and relationship issues. Most problems encountered in life are relational in nature and are about how we connect or disconnect from those around us. So whether you come to us for help with addiction, marital struggles, or other interpersonal relationship issues, we can help reestablish the foundation of truth. We will work with each client to expertly address the issues they are struggling with while helping them to return integrity to their relationships in hopes of having a healthier and more fulfilling life. Our staff will work as a team to provide services that are uniquely tailored to meet the needs of each client.
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Brittany and Mike had been together for a few years. They were talking about getting married and all seemed well to Brittany. She had found the man of her dreams. They both had great jobs and were very busy pursuing their careers. They didn’t get to spend as much time together as they liked, but it was a wonderful time in their lives. What Brittany didn’t realize is that Mike began having an affair with a co-worker.
Mike had been working long hours and didn’t get over to Brittany’s often. When he was over, he was distant and distracted. Mike came over early from work one day and was obviously upset. He told Brittany that he needed to talk with her. Mike revealed that he had been seeing someone else, but it was over and he wanted to work it out with Brittany. He told Brittany over and over that it was a stupid mistake and that he really only loved her.
She asked him if there had been any other women and he denied ever having done this before. They went to counseling to see if their relationship could be saved. In counseling, the therapist asked Mike to provide Brittany with full disclosure of how the affair started and to what level it had progressed. After the disclosure, Brittany still didn’t trust Mike and wanted to know that this was the only time he had ever cheated on her. Brittany asked Mike to take a lie detector test, so she could have the peace of knowing he was telling the truth and they could move on to repair their relationship. He described how he was already ridden with guilt over the affair and would do anything to repair their relationship. Mike took the test and was proven to be truthful in his disclosure to Brittany. They were able to repair the damage to their relationship and now have a stronger bond then they did before.
As you already know, the world is not a perfect place and there are no perfect relationships. As long as human beings are involved people will make mistakes. Making an isolated mistake is different than a pattern of deceit. Everyone makes mistakes, even such grave mistakes as having an affair, which is one of the most severe violations of trust possible. Many marriages and relationships have survived an affair and many have gone on to thrive with a new level of intimacy. The only opportunity for the relationship to be repaired starts with full disclosure of the truth. When the truth is revealed, forgiveness and grace can be given and amends can be made.
For most of Cindy’s life, she was a “normal kid” who ran track and looked forward to trips to the pool with her mom. The youngest of three, Cindy enjoyed chorus and Spanish class. Drugs and alcohol had never been a problem. She didn’t drink, smoke or anything. Cindy’s boyfriend was another story.
She said, “My boyfriend was into hard drugs, like cocaine and heroin.” She was tempted to try it, but never did. Then one night at a party she tried alcohol and became intoxicated. With her guard down, her boyfriend introduced her to cocaine. Cindy was shocked by the euphoria.
It wasn’t long before Cindy became addicted. She was stealing money from her parents and lying to cover her addiction. Cindy told her parents about her drug use and tried hard to quit. But she couldn’t. Cindy and a friend had brought drugs on a senior trip, but the drugs were discovered by school staff and she was expelled.
Her parents tried to keep her busy while they looked for ways to help their daughter. They found a counselor and an addiction program to help Cindy on her journey to sobriety. The program required complete honesty and accountability. To give Cindy the extra boost she needed to be completely honest they arranged for her to have a polygraph examination at the beginning of the program so she could start with a “clean slate.” Cindy was excited about the opportunity to tell the truth and be rid of the guilt she had been carrying. Her parents were glad for the opportunity to start trusting their daughter again.
During her time in the program Cindy experienced a relapse, yet instead of hiding her relapse, she told her parents and counselor about it. “I knew that was what I was supposed to do,” she says. “For once, it started to work out because I had done the right thing. And from that point on it became easier and easier for me to maintain my sobriety.”
Cindy has been sober for several years now and she credits her success in part to her counselor and her parents love. One of the most important lessons was making a commitment to honesty with herself, and with others. “I learned I had to be honest with myself.” Cindy says, “I had been lying to myself.”